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E-Notes from around the block |
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Jim HOGAN - Nov 11,2003
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E-Notes from around the block:
I'm involved in a major custody battle. My wife doesn't want me, and my mother won't take me back.
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In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns. One day his neighbor pays him a visit and asks, "What do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?"
"It evens itself out," the storekeeper explained, "each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."
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A LONG-TIME SUBMARINER, I thought I'd heard every possible description of a submerged operation until a group of teachers toured our attack submarine in San Diego. One woman asked the petty officer what it's like steering a submarine underwater with only sonar for guidance. "Well, ma'am," he answered, "if you painted your car's windshield black, then drove down the freeway by listening out your window, it would be pretty close."
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MY NEPHEW, the artist and photographer William Wegman, is well known for his pictures using dogs as models. He also trained his three Weimaraners to play baseball.
While visiting his studio, our family started playing a baseball game. The dogs were positioned at left, center and right fields. Whenever a batter hit the ball, one of the dogs would retrieve it, bring it to the pitcher and then return to the outfield.
When it was my brother's turn at bat, he tried to swing hard but only hit the ball about 20 yards. Next time he approached home plate, all three dogs came into the infield and waited.
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My husband, Sam, volunteered to rewire the church confessionals. The only way to reach the wiring was to enter the attic above the altar and crawl over the ceiling by balancing on the rafters. Concerned for my husband's safety, I waited in a pew. Unbeknownst to me, some parishioners were congregating in the vestibule. They paid little attention to me, probably assuming I was praying.
Worried about my husband, I looked up toward the ceiling and yelled, "Sam, Sam! Are you up there? Did you make it okay?"
There was quite an outburst from the vestibule when Sam's hearty voice echoed down, "Yes, I made it up here just fine!" |
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